man it is hard to keep up with blogging when you have a 3-4 month old baby running our life! :) i don't know how some mommy bloggers do it, perhaps their babies take long 2-3 hour naps during the day and go to sleep early at 6-7 pm, but my precious little angel currently takes around 45 min naps on average and goes to sleep around 9 pm... but i still love her every one bit and the fact that she makes my life super crazy busy and hectic lol. each day has been a new adventure and at times, i admit, even scary! no one really tells you how scary and unsure you will be as a first time mom - i have had so many doubts, uncertainties, and fears raising Shiloh as to "Am i doing the right thing?" "Am i letting her soothe herself?" "Is she too young to cry it out?" "Is her schedule the best for her optimal sleep/feed/eat?" "Why is she not eating?" and these are just the beginning of all the questions and things i worry about, running through my mind each day.however - one thing has been a new (and very welcome) development in the past few weeks! she's actually begun sleeping for naps not on me! (hurrah!) well, she still needs to be worn/rocked to sleep initially, but we've been putting her down around 4-5 minutes after she falls asleep. granted, she sleeps only around 45 minutes (praying that this gets longer) but i'm still so thankful that at least she's been going on and that i'm not still carrying her 24/7 (which was nice but honestly, exhausting and tolling on my body - she's over 17lbs now!)
she has also begun sleeping longer stretches at night, averaging around an 8 hours stretch, then wakes up to eat, then usually goes back to sleep for around 2.5-3 hours! that has been soooo nice, but of course, there's me getting up every 3-4 hours to listen to her little cries or squeals that she makes during the night and praying inside that she doesn't wake up. perhaps this is because she sleeps in our room (her crib is stationed right next to our bed) and i basically sleep parallel to her crib -- there's pros and cons to this: pros? i like sleeping next to her, knowing she is safe, seeing her asleep, and feeling her closeby and not having to walk all the way upstairs or across the hall every time she wakes or squeaks -- the cons? waking up every time she wakes or squeaks. even if it's just a little movement, i find myself really sensitive to her sounds so its hard to get a truly 8 hour good night sleep, but i'm still sooo incredibly thankful that she has been such a good baby and sleeping these long stretches with only one feed. (but of course, in the back of mind there are times i think "when should she start dropping that one feed?" "am i creating a one-night feed habit?" "how should i make her stop waking up around that 4am-5am time?") sigh. the questions of a new mommy are endless.
in other news, i have decided to start part-time working from home again starting next week! i think for me, at least at this time, i want to be a working mom (even though being a stay at home sounds glamorous and heavenly to just be at home.. maybe when i have 2+ kids i'll be more open to just staying at home) -- i think i should start picking up something to do for myself again and not lose my other identity as a professional. we're getting a nanny part time who can come around 3x a week for a few hours each day so i can concentrate at least a few hours to work - but i'm scared as to whether i'll truly be able to do it (work from home and raise Shiloh), and whether i'll be able to trust and fully rely on the nanny and "let go" of Shiloh at least for those hours, or if i'll just be too overwhelmed by working/baby that i'll have to stop working. sometimes i think perhaps its easier for moms who work outside the home as they can't hear their baby crying, yelling, or whining but at least for those hours outside, they can concentrate at work? but on the flip side, at least i can be at home if she truly needs me and at the same time, keep an eye on the nanny as well? i hope i can do this! balance work/baby/wifey life! i guess in the next few weeks (likely next month) -- i'll find out! wish me luck!
